The weight of the world
There are certain situations in life that stop you dead in your tracks, like a sudden worldwide pandemic that shuts down the world and shines a blinding light on science, truth and retrospection. It’s times like these, you are forced to hit pause and whatever plans you had, come crashing to a halt. You can’t visit friends. You can’t travel. You can’t go to that stand-up comedy gig that you’ve paid an extortionate amount for 1 year in advance. And there’s no chance you could meet with the people you love (outside of your household). It’s times like these when your hands are tied and you feel like you have no control.
Then there are other times when reality slowly envelopes you, like the slow dimming of a campfire and an encroaching darkness that fills every nook and cranny of your entire being. Sometimes, you don’t even know it’s happening. Every twist and turn in life can hand you a pebble. In time, you might collect so many pebbles that you need a bag. Then a suitcase. Then a trailer. Then a shipping container. You get the idea. You keep getting handed these pebbles until one day you realise you can barely move and by then it’s too late. You’re stuck. Life becomes routine and mundane and lacks excitement and spontaneity as you mope around, lugging these pebbles that you didn’t ask for.
Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash
In my world these pebbles can seem innocuous and just a part of growing up with immigrant Chinese parents in the UK. There are countless examples of how the generally conservative British Chinese cultures and traditions weigh heavy on our minds but for me, there is an extra burden as the eldest, male child. I think you can guess where this is going… Let me break it down for you:
Expectation of education - I was the first in my entire extended family to do complete postgraduate education. A PhD. That’s big, right? But unfortunately, a concept that my parents still don’t really understand. What did that mean? Why are you studying more? Why don’t you get a job? They just see it as another 4 years away from home and not earning (much) money. Which brings me to;
Expectation of living - I struggled with my finances as I graduated from my PhD. Sure I got a stipend but it’s not a working salary. My younger brother however, had already been working and earning a crap ton of money during my postgraduate studies. He had bought a flat 2.5 hours away and moved out while I needed to move back home and start saving. I wasn’t able to buy a property until I was 30 and this ‘needed’ to be <2.5 hours away from my parents. Buying a property before you’re 30 is almost unheard of among my generation but compared to my brother, I was late. Which brings me to another thing I was ‘late’ to;
Expectation of relationships and marriage - I have been in a few mini relationships in my time, vastly overshadowed by unrequited love, but alas, my younger brother was lucky and also got there first. University sweethearts who were recently married and now jet-setting around the world, wherever his job in finance takes him. Which finally brings me to;
Expectation of money - I work in science and science is typically not as well paid an industry compared with finance. I had always wanted to do something I loved and science was always at the centre of it, whether it be bench research, clinical application or product life cycle management. But maybe I should’ve looked for something with more money?
These are just a starter for 10. I could easily come up with more and break them down in their own blogs, comparing them to British societal norms, emphasising the cultural divisions that I have to reconcile in my mind. So stay tuned for those fun times. Do you have these expectations weighing on your shoulders? Do you feel them changing over time? How do you deal with them in your day to day? Would be great to hear what you think so just let me know. Or don’t. It’s your life or whatever. Just be nice.
